The day you're leaving me to Japan, is the worst day ever, Mom.

I'm kinda lazy to post something here, but I need to.

Well, some people think that writing is the best way to explode your emotion.

I do think the same... Even in this situation.

This is one of the best way to do catharsis, much better than crying while throwing all my stuff in the room, making a mess, bumping my head to the wall, or even hurting my skin with knife..

I'm not that idiot who will do that kinda foolish thing, I guess.

Well, talking about catharsis, there must be a problem.

My problem started today.

My mama goes to Japan today. No, that's not the problem.

She has time to make a call to me when She's going to Hong Kong first to transit before going to Narita airport, asking me to do a favor to take a good care while her leaving. But not, that isn't a problem either.

So, the problem is, after a whole busy day today, I'm coming home.

Just few steps in, then Dad was asking me and blaming me for something.

He's in confused to decide whether it's my mistake, or his.

Do you know something I hate the most?

To be blamed for something I know exactly that it isn't my mistake.

He started shouting at me, blaming me, giving his anger to me.

What am I supposed to do, then? Me? Keep silent for the thing I didn't do? NEVER.

I have a right to be angry when I am blamed for something which is not my mistake.

So, that's what I did. I shouted back to him, exploded my anger to him.

I didn't care if he is my daddy. Once I get blamed for something that I didn't do, whether that person is my father or anyone, I will stand tall to prove that I'm right, cuz I really am.

So, there I was, shouted back, argued what the hell was making me wrong, showed his mistake, and all those fuckin' things.
Then, all that my daddy did was just keep silent. Not saying even a single word.

Feeling guilty, weren't you, Dad?

Oh come on, talking about this, how many times you blame me for something which is not my mistake, Dad? too often!

I still remember about the moment when you realized that it wasn't my mistake but yours.

The way you apologized at  me while being too arrogant to prove that you were wrong.

The way you smiled in shy because you knew that it wasn't my mistake at all but all the people in our family put all the blame in me. Not to mention about all those hurting words that they said to me.

Did I hurt? I did! It did hurting me so badly!

All I could do that time was just chillin' out. I might have forgiven you, but the scars remain. Just like what quote words say.

And what the hell do you think you're doing right now? Opening that unhealed wound? What a fool!

I ask you.. No, I even beg you, please, starting from this time, please learn from your mistake. Don't do it twice!

I even shouted at you just now, "CAN YOU PUT ALL THE BLAME AT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU'RE BLAMING SOMEONE INNOCENT?!"

those words are quite clear although I shouted it while crying, aren't it, Dad?

Well, mom, I promised you to take a good care while your leaving today.

But I think I fail, even in the first day.

This thing is the most surprising thing today which is beyond my expectation to happen.

All I can say is just sorry, Mom, I try to do my best here, but what am I supposed to do, then?

P. S: If you were here today, would you be at my side or at my daddy's side like before?

Love, Me.